What can I say? I haven't updated in a very very very long time.

We've been busy. So very busy. And yet, I can't think of a thing that I'm actually doing. Besides *still* waiting on pre-approval for Yonghua. Did we mention in the last post that her name will be changed to Lydia?

So, as soon as we get pre-approval for her, we can start the homestudy process. That's the part that scares me the most. We are restoring a 150 year old house. And someone has to come in and inspect? I'm fairly confident that we've found a remarkable social worker who has no issues with our restoration and she trusts that by the time Lydia comes to live with us, her room will be completed and ready for a 5 year old.

Let's see what else? I'm reading a book that has changed my life. It's called Created To Be His Helpmeet, by Debi Pearl. Yes, it's controversial. Yes, she does use some examples that are over the top for a woman married to a very steady man. But the fact is, for the past 6 years I've struggled with putting responsibility in Doug's hands. I have no no no idea why this is. I trust him implicitly. I've never been in love with someone the way I am with him. He has been there emotionally when he couldn't be there physically and he's always found a way to let me know I'm loved.

And maybe it can be chalked up to the military deployment thing....having to be the one to make *all* the decisions when your spouse is called away and you don't hear from him for 67 days, thank you Uncle Sam...or maybe because I have always been a very independent person, but I have a hard time trusting him in the little things.

Almost 1 year ago, we disagreed about something. If I had trusted him, followed his preference, a lot of heartache would not have happened. And he picked up the pieces, and I'm not sure, but I don't recall that he ever said, "I told you so."

So, while some of you may be twitching at my references to submission and the word "helpmeet", the fact is, changes were needed in our marriage. And I'm going for it, 100%.